18 posts tagged “friends”

Looking backwards instead of forwards... I've been thinking a lot about this lately, and I was catching up on Lucky Lass' posts, and she talked about it at some point in May/June as well. Why is it that it is SO easy to spend SO much time looking backwards? And it seems to me that it becomes even easier to look backwards and wish for what was when things get really difficult - when what we really need to be doing is looking forward?

As I've mentioned, June brought about a lot of not necessarily unwanted changes, just changes that needed to be done and the timing of them snuck up on me. I could have let the changes go, but I didn't think I could last another year in purgatory, waiting for the time to come again. So I made the changes now, and it seemed to make everything that much harder. And all I kept thinking about was how easy it all seemed when I was younger. How nice it was to have two parents and a small town, a loving family all living within 20 minutes of me. A loving Grandmother (with a pool) only 2 blocks away - I lost my Grandfather when I was 9. Those long summer days where I'd spend time with my mom in the morning, likely in her classroom doing summer moving and planning. Then the afternoons were spent at my grandmother's house, in the pool with my mom and/or my Aunt. The evenings were spent around the neighborhood with the kids, on my bike, playing games, running around, or maybe just staying cool and reading a book or working on some crafts. (I've always had an affinity for embroidery, and I've have my nose cemented into books since my mom taught me to read when I was 3). I know I was incredibly lucky for so many reasons. And I was even luckier as a child with a full-time working mom who got to spend her summers with me - the joys of having a teacher for a parent.

Maybe because I had such a wonderful childhood, and probably because the aching in my heart of missing my Daddy has increased exponentially, and most likely because of all the ridiculous drama I've put myself through lately, its just been so wonderful to look back, to remember those summers (and even the winters, and falls and springs) and wish for them back, at least for a little. Its been a little disorienting too, because I've always been a forward thinker, wanting to know what was around the next corner and the best way(s) to get there - but instead of looking forward and figuring things out, I've been looking backward. A lot of it comes too from the fact that I haven't been able to get home as much this summer as I would like, and also because this summer has been so completely turbulent.

And maybe this sounds trite, but a lot of it boils down to being lonely. I’m seriously the only one of all my close friends that is single. Everyone is either in a relationship, engaged or married, or even just paired off. I’ve become the token single friend, the funny girl that appears to be ok on her own, and while I’m completely content to fill the role to keep everyone entertained and happy, it’s starting to grate on my nerves. I have to say, it has gotten better since I’ve gotten used to living alone again. I think that that was a big thing for me. As much as I wanted to live alone, and as happy as I am having my own sacred space again, there is a certain time required for adjustment. Even when you’re living in a not so good roommate situation, there’s still a roommate, another body that’s there. But its just me and the kitty again, and my neighbor in the other half of my house, and we’re content. I certainly wouldn’t mind having a partner in crime, but I’m sure that will happen when the time and the person are right.

But being content doesn’t stop me from pining away some nights, wanting to be at home with my family, back where things are easier – or at least appear to be easier. Wanting things to be the way they were, before Daddy was gone, before he even got sick, before I grew up. Is this unusual? Or am I the only one that’s really pining for my childhood. I guess I’m really lucky because my childhood was good enough that I want to go back. I mean, it certainly wasn’t perfect, and there were ups and downs and bad days to counteract the good days, but it was home. It was family. It was good. And I’m glad that I cherished it the way I did when I had it, I don’t feel that I took it for granted, but I do wish a lot that I could go back. Just for a short while. I guess that’s what dreams are for, right?...

In my return to the world of the living (and my departure from the world of the overwhelmed and hibernating), I was able to catch a show at the National Theatre this weekend. I finally (finally!) got to see Mamma Mia! on stage. I went yesterday - Sunday - and it was the last day of its run in DC. We saw the matinee show (Only one more after show after it). It was absolutely fantastic! I've been jamming out to the Mamma Mia soundtrack on my ipod for years, but I had never gotten to see it. I'd talked a few times with family and friends about heading to NYC to see it at the Winter Garden Theater, but it just never happened. And with the movie coming out, my hopes for seeing it on stage first were quickly slipping away. But last week a friend of mine that I hadn't talked in awhile invited me to go. Our seats were wonderful - middle of the orchestra about 12 rows back. We saw everything! I heard that the cast was moving on to Philadelphia for a run there, and I have to say, if anyone is in or around Phildadelphia and is looking for something to do, get tickets to this show! The cast was phenomenal - I actually enjoyed this cast and performance as much, if not more than the original cast recording that I have. I'm pretty sure the people wo were sitting next to me knew the actor who was playing Sam Carmichael (who was very, very good). They kept cheering for him, and clapping for his performances, and during the curtain call, he waved to them, which I thought was exciting. It was like sitting next to celebrity-intimates or something ;) I know, I'm a huge dork.

After the show was over, we decided to grab dinner a few miles down 95 in Historic Occoquan. We ended up eating at this really nice restaurant called Madigan's Waterfront and it was delicious. We ate outside and took in the beautiful, peaceful scenery. Its amazing - we were only about 10 miles outside of the beltway, but it felt like a different world. So calm and so opposite of city life. Dinner was nice and shortly after we finished, a storm moved in and dumped a lot of rain. It was really refreshing - and it continued to storm all night. It was nice to hear the rain hitting my roof while I was laying in bed - I love to hear that.

The weekend was busy with unpacking - although not as much as I would have hoped. But I also got to see a number of good friends who I hadn't seen since January, so it was wonderful. I got to play Rock Band again and just chill out. And I finally really used my kitchen - I made a pancake and fresh fruit brunch for me and a girlfriend on Sunday morning. :)

I think I'm well on my way to a better place than I've been in recently. Thank you for all the support you've all shown me! It reminds me just how lucky I am, and how many wonderful people I have in my life. I'm truly blessed, and I'm beginning to remember that (and believe in it) again :)

... to escape the city. That's what I did this weekend. A friend of mine (V) and I hopped in my car and went to Colonial Williamsburg. It wasn't a spur of the moment trip, but I'm positive there *will* be many of those in our future :) My mom and her boyfriend - who are both retired - were "wintering" in Florida in his motorhome. They started the Northward Pilgrimage (as I've deemed it) last week, and way back in March had asked me if I wanted to meet them in Williamsburg. I'd never been there before and it was quality time with the parental units - AND another friend from grad school is living and working there (J) - so we decided to kill about 8 birds with one stone, because we're THAT good. :)

Friday was a gorgeous day and I managed to get out of work early, so I spent some time just relaxing on the waterfront in Old Town Alexandria. Then I met V for an outdoor dinner, waited for traffic to die down a bit and got on our way. It was a beautiful drive - gorgeous weather, gorgeous scenery - and we spent a good portion of it flying down I-95S with the top open on my car. It was fabulous, and it gave V and I a chance to just chat and catch up.

Saturday we spent with the parental units in Colonial Williamsburg and we couldn't have asked for a more perfect day. It was warm and sunny, with a slight breeze. Absolutely gorgeous! And Colonial Williamsburg is so beautiful. My mom - because it was only $9 more than the day pass - got me a year pass, so I fully intend to utilize it and go back down. Maybe I'll go again in the summer, escape the tourists in DC and be one myself somewhere, and I'm definitely planning on going again for the fall and for the Christmas extravaganza. I've heard so much about it - and seen enough photos - that I'm definitely very interested. V and I got these great wide brimmed straw hats - I fully intend to use mine at the beach this summer (which also means I'm fully intending on getting some decent beach time in this summer) and maybe possibly if I feel like being touristy downtown, lol.

Saturday night I was able to partake of a Passover Seder at J's place, and it was incredible. I'd never had the opportunity to attend a Seder before, and I'm always interested in learning new things about good and people's religions, so this was something I didn't want to pass up. I ate SO MUCH food and it was all fantastic - even the gefilte fish! J is an amazing cook, and I was not disappointed. It was really cool to see the kinds of traditions that are involved and all of the symbolism. And I thoroughly enjoyed the Paschal Yam (and not the Paschal Lamb).

Sunday it was rainy and gross so none of us - 'rents included - got moving anywhere very early. J took us to the Rockefeller Library where she works, and we went to the Museum, which was really incredible. So many beautiful things, and I especially enjoyed the Dollhouse Exhibition and the Needlepoint Exhibition. By the time we finished in the museum, the rain had let up a little bit, so we were able to walk through Market Square. And then we all hit a wall and realized just how exhausted we were and went our separate ways.

The ride back to DC was interesting - traffic was heavy, the weather was insane, and it rained so hard that it overpowered the weather-stripping on the convertible top of my car and starting leaking on me and V. We had to shove napkins all over the place to try and stop the flow, lol. But I had a new Tomtom to guide me, and it was very nice. Tomtom was like "Don't worry my child. I'll do the thinking FOR you, you just follow my voice and I will guide you home." Uber-fabulous :) (Thanks mom!)

It was just SO NICE to get out of the city and get a break from it all for a weekend. And I definitely saw two palm trees in Williamsburg. They were in front of the Hampton Inn that we passed, and they were the kind that looked like oversized Pineapples :) Seeing the palm trees definitely made me very happy. Today was exhausting though. I don't think I realized how much the weekend had tired me out. It felt good though - it was a good kind of tired, one that you actually feel like you've done something to warrant being tired.

And on that note, I'm going to say goodnight so that I may catch up on my sleep :) Gute nacht!

I took this photo on Saturday afternoon, on the Mall. Hard to believe, right? I was impressed with my own photographic skills luck. A big thanks to Chrissy for teaching me all about the digital macro function on my camera and how to use it! And here are a few more of me with the girls and the blossoms :)

 

It was SOOOO jam packed! I haven't had a weekend like that in a very long time, and while it was entirely exhausting, it was even more completely fabulous! Friday night I went to see my friend Ginger's awesome band, The Hall Monitors. They were absolutely incredible, and they played with The Shalitas from Brooklyn, who were equally as incredible. I totally have a girl-crush on all three of those Shalitas. You have no idea! So Friday night was spent having an awesome time, listening to great music with my girly-posse. Saturday was some work at home, a serious spring cleaning, and then my roommate cooked chicken cacciatore for us and two of our friends. It was a really fun, relaxing evening. And what made it even better was the fact that my friend totally gelled with my roommate and her friend. After dinner we all bonded over an awesome table of desserts at Le Matins de Paris - I got this incredible Fruit Bingsoo which I'm pretty sure I dreamt about on Saturday night, lol. Of course, we ladies were out late enjoying these incredible desserts, so when we finally got back home, I was almost too tired to play some Guitar Hero... but I managed to bust out a few songs, watch 2 episodes of Veronica Mars - one of the best shows ever - and then I finally crashed. I was so tired on Sunday morning, thanks to being up too late and the time change.

Sunday was the usual brunch at the best restaurant ever, and then Shear Madness at the Kennedy Center. It was AB-SO-LUTE-LY HYSTERICAL! It was more than I had anticipated and even more gut-bustingly funny than I could have anticipated. And all that political incorrectness in the heart of PC-World really made it all the more hilarious. Seriously, every day, I just think of how freaking blessed I am to have such great friends, and to have such a full and happy life. I know I've been over-the-top schmoopy lately, but seriously, I'm just so ridiculously content, and I'm going to ride the wave for as long as I can. ;) And tomorrow I'm heading to the orthodontist to get the first installment of my braces on - I'll get the rest on on Friday. I'm so excited! I'm going to have the most beautiful, perfect smile. After tomorrow, my teeth are never going to look the same again! And THAT, my friends, is one of the many reasons why I've been so ridiculously happy lately :)

I hope everyone else had a great weekend!

I drove to PA to visit my family this weekend. It had been far too long since I had been home. Since I've moved back to the east coast, I was making an effort to get home at least once a month. A 3 hour drive seemed like nothing in comparison to the 8.5 hours it took me to drive home from Michigan. But I hadn't been home since my Christmas, in the beginning of January. The first time I was supposed to go home, my car didn't pass VA's state inspection, and came thisclose to going over the deep end. It had been a stressful week and that was almost the straw that broke the camel's back. I obviously got through it, but I decided that stable Mabel probably wasn't in any condition to drive home in a car that would end up needing $650 worth of repairs (God bless my mother for being the kind and generous soul she is, because she paid for those very expensive repairs!) The second time I tried to go home, for my Aunt's traditional Italian 60th birthday party, I ended up with a terrible stomach flu - I started throwing up in the middle of a Friday night date and didn't stop for 3 full days. Needless to say, I was in no condition to even crawl away from the toilet, let alone drive home to see my family. So this time, come hell or high water, I was going home. Well, it wasn't hell *or* high water, but it was a hell of a lot of snow. Only in PA though... and it progressively got worse the closer I got to home. There was so much snow already on the ground that you couldn't see the road markings on I-81. I'm pretty sure I spent most of the time driving down the center of both lanes, except for when the semis and idiot drivers were trying to pass me. I made it home in one piece (I do love my teeny tiny SUV) and tried to enjoy the snow. But it was pointless. I think Michigan did me in... I'm O-V-E-R winter. I think I need a few years before I can truly enjoy winter again. I realized, though, that I don't miss the snow. Not one bit. But what I do miss is the fact that when it does snow, the world doesn't end. People continue to travel, they continue to drive, they know how to drive. I'm still having a hard time adjusting to the VA mentality when it comes to snow... one flake and all hell breaks loose. But I'll get used to it. I'm certainly glad that winter is much more mild in the Mid-Atlantic region, but I think I need some North Carolina moderation for awhile. Somewhere sunny that doesn't get below 35 degrees. Ever. Or even 40 :) I'm certainly enjoying the beautiful weather we've been blessed with today.

It was a good weekend at home... I got to see a lot of people, helped out with a function at the church I grew up in, and got to spend a lot of great time with my family. Its amazing how quickly the weekends go. But I have to say, it does feel damn good getting back to the life I've made for myself here. I love my family, and I do miss them, but I love my "me time." I love the time I have in the car, just me, all alone with my thoughts. It would be really nice if I had an autopilot function though, because all of my best musings come to me when I'm tied up with driving and not able to write them down. I think through a lot of stuff when I'm driving, and I have a lot of a-HA moments, things I want to remember, but when I finally get somewhere that I can write the down... POOF! They're all gone.

I feel like there is so much more inside my head, swirling around, waiting to be tapped into, but I just can't get it out. Oh well, maybe there will be another post later on this evening. We'll see.... I think I'm going to go find my journal and see if I can't get something out into there. Ciao!

You're on my friend's list, I want to know 36 things about you. I don't care if we never talk, or if we already know everything about each other.

Be honest! Copy from here then send directly to me in a comment then repost the empty questions if you want to in your own blog.

1) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
A.
2) What was your dream growing up?
A.
3) What talent do you wish you had?
A.
4) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
A.
5) Favourite vegetable?
A.
6) What was the last book you read?
A.
7) What zodiac sign are you?
A.
8) Any tattoos and/or piercings? Explain where.
A.
9) Worst habit?
A.
10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
A.
11) What is your favourite sport?
A.
12) Do you have a negative or optimistic attitude?
A.
13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
A.
14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
A.
15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
A.
16) Do you have any pets?
A.
17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?
A.
18) What was your first impression of me? (hmmm...careful!)
A.
19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
A.
20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
A.
21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
A.
22) What color eyes do you have?
A.
23) Ever been arrested?
A.
24) Bottle or can soda?
A.
25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
A.
27) What's your favourite place to hang at?
A.
28) Do you believe in ghosts?
A.
29) Favourite thing to do in your spare time?
A.
30) Do you swear a lot?
A.
31) Biggest pet peeve?
A.
32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
A.
33) Do you believe/appreciate romance?
A.
35) Do you believe in God?
A.
36) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?
A.
Your turn!  My answers are on Irish Lucky Lass' blog under comments.

Warning: The following is a bit of a schmaltz-fest...

I was planning on composing a blog about men, and likening them to real estate, (like that's never been done before) and talking about how women tend to settle for fixer-uppers instead of waiting for the perfect one, and yadda yadda yadda. It was pretty awesome... I was composing it in my head all day, just waiting to tear it up on my computer keyboard. I'm sure it will crop up in the next few days, but right now, I need to honor my girls.

I am truly blessed. I have the best friends a girl could ask for. Seriously. In the past 48 hours, I have been reminded in so many ways just how lucky I am, and how incredible my friends are. Let me give you a few examples...

My friend let me buy Guitar Hero 3 for her Wii and has acquiesced to let me come over frequently and play for hours. HOURS. Because apparently Rock Band with my other friends every 2 weeks just isn't enough. :) And she not only lets me play but she sits there and cheers me on! Oh yeah, she rocks!

My college roommate, who I'm fairly convinced is my soul mate, asked me to be her Valentine because you can rely on friends, but not necessarily men. :) We also blew my bedtime out of the water yet again and talked on the phone for 3 hours (we're so good at that!) And I get to see her in 42 days... :D

My best friend/little sister sent me the cutest little Valentine gift in the mail, which she put together herself and was completely original (she even made the card) which made me smile. A lot. :)

There are so many reasons why my friends rock, but one reason that really blew me out of the water happened today. I'm supposed to be meeting some friends for lunch tomorrow. Two of the girls I worked with at my last job - we'll call them B and G, and one of the girls I went to grad school with - V. V recently moved to the area and began a pretty rockin' job. Well, V hasn't yet had the opportunity to meet my friends in person, which was why she was going to come to lunch. Well, I sent around an e-mail this morning to finalize the details, and everyone was reply-all-ing to carry on the conversation. Well, V lives close to G, and unbeknownst to me, G e-mailed V and offered to give her a ride so she wouldn't have to ride the metro. And V accepted. These two girls have never met each other yet, but have e-mailed and are planning on ridesharing. I'm the common factor. I know this sounds crazy, but it just blows my mind (in the best way possible) that my friends are so open, outgoing and friendly. It made me feel so good to see it all coming together. It was the most insane but euphoric feeling.

I spent the rest of the day in an amazing mood because I'm having lunch with a bunch of my girls tomorrow and because they all get along so well - even when they haven't yet had the opportunity to meet in person! Such a good feeling...

Do I just attract extreme situations? I've had a lot of things happen that could be said to have catalyzed relationships or accelerated them... Or is it my path in this life to always move at mach10 and learn my lessons the hard way, after the fact. After I've been beaten to a bloody pulp yet again because I've trusted too soon, moved too fast, let someone in before I should have. This is starting to sound really egocentric, and on some levels it really is, but its more an attempt for me to understand. Because I just don't get it. Its been like that my whole life, and I don't know where the root of it lies, or even how to go about changing it. One of my teachers in high school - my 1SG in JROTC actually - used to tell me that there was no middle ground with me. I'm either all the way up or all the way down. I've wondered if I'm manic, but I really don't think any of the signs are there. I mean, there have definitely been clear chemical imbalances in the brains of my bloodlines, but I've never really felt like its been a problem. I guess you could say I'm just very high-spirited and passionate, but does that really explain it all away?

I know this sounds a little weird, but I'm on a mission. I want to get to know myself again, get to know who I am now as opposed to who I used to be, who I thought I was or am. I want to get myself in line first and foremost for myself, but also so that I can be a better partner to whomever I'm supposed to be with. I've been on quite a bender lately to find a boyfriend - a companion, partner in crime, whatever - or cultivate a lasting relationship, and when you want it that bad, when you're focusing on it that much, its not going to happen. But I've also never been a very patient person either, so waiting around for it to happen, for the timing to be right, whatever, its really hard. So I've decided to take a proactive approach. I'm going to go from the ground up, inside out, and work on making myself into the best, happiest most content person I can be, and things will go from there. I guess. This is all sounding a little schmaltzy, but welcome to the inner monologue of my brain. I've gotten back to journaling, although not nearly as much or as frequently as I would like, and as you can see, I'm making more of an effort to love my blog since I have been sorely lacking in that department. I'm hoping all of this will help slow the brain down a little and give me time to figure what's really going on in there.

Anyway, if anyone has any tips, suggestions etc for meditating, can you please pass them along to me? I want to get back to yoga because it was very beneficial for me, and I'd like to work at meditating, but as you can see from this blog, I have a really hard time slowing down, turning my brain off and just being. Meditating is something fairly new, and I want to make it work. Its cheaper and hopefully as effective as therapy. ;)

This morning I got some bad news about a friend of mine, my old ballroom partner actually. Someone I hadn't talked to in a long time, since I moved from Michigan. Someone that I often thought of, even if I didn't mention it to anyone. He has been tragically taken from this life far too soon.

It's incredible to know someone and to exist in time with them, far away from them, with little or no contact. Life just goes on. But what is even more incredible is the tear in the fabric, the rift, that you feel so intensely when you realize or find out that that person no longer exists on this plane. It is unfathomable to me, I just can't comprehend, how life just stops. And how life can still seem to go on, even though there's this gaping hole created by such a catastrophic loss.

I don't understand. I don't understand how it just stops, how it all ends, and how you don't even know sometimes until you hear it through the grapevine. What I do understand is that I've been given some really tough but firm lessons about life in the past six months. I understand that this life is a gift. A phenomenal thing that could be extinguished at any moment, without any notice or forewarning. You've only got once chance, one opportunity, to make the most that you can. Its so all overwhelming. And numbing.

Rest in Peace, John. I hope you're in a better place.