12 posts tagged “school”

Do you remember where you were, a year ago today? A year ago, at the very moment that you found out about the massacre at Virginia Tech. I certainly do. I was in the airy and open stairwell in my grad program's section of our building on campus. I was with a close friend and one of the kindest people on the staff. There's a television mounted on the third floor landing, and that's where I first heard the news. None of us knew what to say, as we stood there watching that television screen. I listened to what had happened, and tried to understand, tried to fully comprehend. I was less than two weeks away from my own commencement, and all I could think was that these young people weren't going to see their own, how tragic it was, and how devastating.

I'd be lying if I said the first thought that had gone through my head was anything other than "Not again. Not another school shooting." All I could do was sit down on the steps and take it in for a few minutes. To think about the brevity of it. I was in Michigan, so far away from the actual events, but I felt them very deeply. It could have happened anywhere on any college campus, at any time, to anyone. I thought about the fear that the students must have felt, the adrenaline coursing through their veins, the thought that this might be the end. I can't even imagine what it was like to actually *feel* those emotions.

I thought about those students when I put on my graduation robe, as I pinned the maroon and orange ribbons in memory of them on my robe, and I thought about them as I walked across the stage and was given my Master's degree.

Here, now, in DC, it seems as if the year anniversary of the massacre has taken a backseat to the continuous coverage of the Pope's every move during his visit here. I thought it was important to stop and take a minute to think about what happened a year ago today, to think about all of those promising young people who will never get the chance to live a long and full life, who will never see their dreams coming to fruition - young people who wanted to leave a mark on this world, and without even knowing it, made a deeper indentation than they ever could have imagined. I think of those students today and honor their memory. And I'm grateful that I was given the opporunity that they weren't - to be given another day, another year, to live, to make my dreams come true. To experience 365 more sunrises and sunsets. I think of them today, in sadness, in reverence, and in gratitude.

Remember

I find it ironic that I've been waiting for so long to be done with grad school, finish everything up so that I can move on with my life, and now that that time has come, I'm completely terrified. Maybe its just because I'm moving to a new place - one that's not entirely foreign I should add, but not where I expected, that's for sure. I have a great roommate, and a wonderful living situation for myself and the Neeners, but I still don't have a concrete form of income. I guess that's what scares me the most. Not having a job yet. Haven't I paid my dues? Haven't I just spent a huge amount on my education? An amount, I might add, that would cover the costs of building a new house. I'm sure i'll find something, but I'm feeling stagnant again. Which is pretty much how I felt before I went back to grad school. I knew what I wanted to do, had been, in fact, doing it, but couldn't make any more than I was making because I didn't have the all-important Master's degree. And I'm feeling like I'm going to be stagnating, or spinning my wheels for awhile until I find something that makes me happy. I think I'm just freaking out a little because so many of my classmates have secured jobs already.

I know I'm not one of those people that's going to get a job now and stay at the same spot for the next 30 years. I'm a mover and a shaker, and I know I'll be moving and shaking all around the place, but its just a slightly scary place to be at. And the more i think about it, the more panicked I get, and the less direction I have. Its such a weird phenomenon.

On another note, I did get a phone call yesterday from a company in Grand Rapids, a tech company, that found my resume while cruising our career services page and called me about signing on for a project because of my Ruby on Rails skills... its looks like the horror and pain of last semester may actually have a bigger pay off than I thought was possible ;) Go figure, little miss librarian/archivist, would rather hang out in the conservation lab in the basement of the Bentley might be a candidate for a tech job... it makes me giggle, lol.

Well, at least I have salsa dancing to look forward to tonight. That will help clear my mind a little... I like to dance things out :)

Song of the day: Me Libere - El Gran Combo

This is what it feels like. I'M DONE! I'm done with graduate school. I just submitted my last assignment a few minutes ago, and I am SO happy. It feels so surreal. Two years I've waited for this moment, counted down, busted my ass, and had a few mental breakdowns. And now I've arrived. I still can't quite believe it, but I can definitely feel the burblings of a rising euphoria. I'm free to do what I want - to sleep, to read, to hang out. I feel like my life has just been served to me on a silver platter. I know I sound sort of ridiculous, but I'm sure anyone who's worked so hard over a long period of time understands that happiness and gratification that comes from being done, accomplishing the task, reaching your goal. Now I ever have time to start planning for the big move, which is right around the corner. Only a few more weeks :) Yay!

I realize its been almost a month since I last posted, which is a long time. But when I got to my hometown, my family had me running a marathon through the holidays until I left for India - which of course, I didn't entirely mind since I love my family. But I was really looking forward to fixing the sleep deprivation problem. Oh well, tis life. So anyway, I didn't get to post while I was home. And now that I am posting, I'm not going to say much about India on here because the post would be as long as an epic novel. All I'm going to say is that India was absolutely amazing. I had an incredible time - Incredible India, as they say - and I can't wait to go back. It was fantastic. If you want to know more, pick my brain, and I'll tell you all about it. Just not on here ;)

Anywho, so I got back to Michigan on Monday and started classes and all that jazz on Tuesday. Things are going well. I think I'm really going to enjoy this semester. Its going to be a lot more fun than last semester, and a lot more relaxed in a lot of ways. So anyway, today was the first day of my internship at the Benson Ford Research Center at The Henry Ford in Dearborn. The people all seem really wonderful, and the place is absolutely amazing. I was kicking myself for not getting to see it before today, but I think I'm actually glad I didn't see it before because it made my experience today that much more enjoyable. I haven't actually been told specifically what my projects are going to be for the semester, but I know I'm going to have 3 bigger ones, and then as many smaller ones as time allows. I'll be doing some sort of curatorial project with a photographic collection (or something along those lines), an Access Services project where I'll be spending a good amount of time in the Reading Room and I think doing some reference and stuff (yay!!), and a processing project, which I'm also looking forward to because I don't believe that I can be an archivist without hands-on knowledge of how to process a collection.

I got the grand tour of everything today - well, everything except Greenfield Village because its closed until April - and its freezing outside. I did get to see the museum finally. Its pretty incredible. I had been told about the locomotive in the museum, and how big it was, but I was NOT prepared for it when I walked into the building. I don't think I have ever felt that small before. Really. I'm no stranger to trains, but this one truly blew me away. I can't even describe to you how big it was, but I CAN say that when it was in use, it certainly wasn't trekking all over the place. I doubt that ordinary tracks would be able to support it, and I can't even imagine a tressel or bridge strong enough to support even half of its weight. My mentor said that it was primarily used in Kentucky, in coal mining, so it wasn't making excursions all over the place, but it was still doing some mighty haulin'.

I got to spent a decent amount of time in the museum. I was there on the grand tour as I'll call it, in the morning, and then I was there in the afternoon because Dan Rather was there. Yes, I'm talking about THAT Dan Rather. And I don't care how old he is, I had a moment when I walked past him. I was like "OMG, that's Dan Rather!!!" He was there doing an interview with the president of Ford Motor Co. (I believe...) because of the Detroit Auto Show. Mr. Rather didn't show up until about 4, and then he wanted a tour of the museum before he began his interview. He was so engrossed in the interview that when he finished with it, he was a little behind schedule and didn't get to meet and greet anybody. Which kinda sucked. But I did get to see him in action, conducting the interview, which was very cool. Yes, I am a dork, and I don't care. :)

So my first day was pretty great. For various other reasons as well. I have a new e-mail address for the Henry Ford, but I'm not sure how to access it to check it, so I'm not handing it out yet. I also have a phone and voicemail (which I haven't set up yet, so you're not getting the number ;) But I have a very nice little cubicle area. I wouldn't exactly say cubicle because its more spacious and not nearly as closed in. And its very bright. And its my workspace. My first cubicle ever! Woo hoo!!! Wow, I AM a nerd. But I'm ok with it. :)

The day's pretty much been a good one. It started a little earlier than I would have liked, but what can you do. I had a serious sinus headache last night - I couldn't even open my eyes all the way, so I crawled into bed around 7:30. I was out cold before 8, had a few phone calls that I never even heard (I found them this morning when I woke up) and was out for a solid 8 hours. Apparently, I've been spoiling my body with sleep in getting over the jetlag, and my body is now accustomed to 8 hours, and no more. I fell asleep a little before 8 last night, so what time do you think I woke up? Around 4:30. Yep. When I realized how early it was, I laid in bed for awhile, rolling and tossing, but not getting back to sleep. So I stopped fighting it around 5:30 and got up and read for awhile. Then I had a nice little breakfast, and finally around 7:20 started getting ready. I left the apt. around 8:15 and made it to the BFRC half an hour early. But I had my book with me, so I was able to do some reading. I'm reading the Historian and its really good. I started it right before I left Michigan, shortly after I submitted my last paper at the end of last semester. It was so good that I couldn't keep my nose out of it, but I just didn't have the time to read like I thought I would. I carried it to India with me and read it in the airports, on the planes, etc, but just didn't get through it. I had these grand plans for this huge reading list that I was going to get through. *wa wa wa* Wrong answer. lol... So, at least I'll have good reading this semester as a diversion from the textbooks. But I think I'm really going to enjoy the readings that I have for my classes this semester too. I'm really looking forward to it. Anyway, I'm starting to get tired, and I have some things I need to do, and I really want to finish The Historian tonight, so tootles for now :)

Songs of the moment: All from Dhoom 2 - Dhoom Machale, Crazy Kiya Re (remix and original), Dil Laga Na and Touch Me

Favorite Quote from the break: From "A Christmas Story" - Ralphie: "Oh My God, I shot my eye out!" hahahaha...

So last night, I finished writing one of my papers that is due, and I was so proud of myself for getting it done a few days early, and by 11 at night. I decided to treat myself by getting into bed early and reading a little. I started a new book this week. Prakash sent it to me for my birthday, and I have been wanting to read it since. I finally finished Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance the other day, and decided to start reading the book from Prak, The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. I've just started it and already I can see that its going to be one of those books that will get read every so often. Its rather short, and I think profound is the right word to use. I've been having a lot of A-HA moments about human nature and the way things are... but that's just me. So anyway, I was reading and reading and I realized that it was about 12:30 and I should probably try to get some rest. So I turned the light out and laid there, and laid there, and turned, and laid there. So I said forget it, got up, went back to the living room, turned all the lights on, unpacked my computer and started working on the CSS for my database project. Its really the last part of the project that I care to worry about doing, so I figured, eh why not. If anything's going to put me to sleep, its going to be CSS... WRONG! I was up until almost 3 until I finally forced myself to get to bed and try to sleep. I slept for a few hours, didn't feel rested, but didn't feel unrested. I was pretty alert all morning, didn't find myself fighting to keep my eyelids open or anything... Its bizarre. Its like that song from the early 90s, I think Soul Asylum sang it, or someone like that. "Runaway Train." And at some point in the song they say "so tired that I couldn't even sleep," or something like that. Well, that's how I feel. I haven't slept very much in the past few nights, and its not because I've been staying up late to get work done. My mind is just racing with all the end of semester assignments and I can't slow it down enough to get any rest.

I'm so looking forward to Friday night. I won't be fully done by then, but at least the silly 539 things will all be behind me. We have a lottery for who's going to present in class, and I know in my gut that I'm going to be one of the lucky people selected to present in front of the class. Which I'm ok with, its just stressful knowing that I've got one of the most lowbrow and misguided databases in the entire class. At least that's how I feel, lol. I have a few things to finish up with that tonight, get it all taken care, and then finish editing and adding the bib to my final paper that I finished writing last night. I don't want to put it off until tomorrow, but I think I'm going to wait until tomorrow to get back to writing my huge paper that's due Monday. My goal is to get it done by Saturday night at the latest so that I can spend Sunday packing and getting the apt. in order and get on the road early on Monday morning. I'm so excited to be going home. Thanksgiving was such a tease, and I really didn't get to spend all THAT much time with my family. This time, I'll have more time to just chill out and do whatever, even though I'll be on the other side of the world for 10 days. I won't have to worry about homework or getting this or that done. I'll get to spend good, quality time with them. I'm such a dork, I love my family so much. We're crazy but we certainly put the fun in dysfunctional.

Speaking of, I leave for India two weeks from today. HOLY CRAP!!! 2 weeks!!! When I bought the ticket back in May it seemed SO FAR away, and even during the semester it felt really far away. I'm really excited about that too... I can't believe I'm going to India! I'm going to see Delhi and Punjab (I know Sylvie and Prakash are both very excited to have me see Punjab, hee hee, you crazy party people ;) and I'm going to Agra to see the Taj Mahal. After I had to cancel out on Semester at Sea, I never really thought that I would get another chance to see it. I am SO excited!

Ok, I need to get back to work, even though I feel like I could just keep typing and typing for the rest of the day. I think it helps get the nervous jitters out, the stress jitters, because my fingers are moving so much and so quickly :)

ta-ta

Song of the Day: Gayla Peevey - I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas

p.s. check out my books and my crazy-huge reading list for the break. Between flights and layovers, I'm going to have LOTS of time for reading :)

To add the icing to the already fantastic cake of my life, i'm sick. Yep. I tried very hard to chalk it up to allergies. I tried so hard to convince myself that I wasn't sick. I don't have time to be sick. But alas, I am sick. And I find out that the class that is the bane of my existence is going to require A LOT more work on my project that I already have done, and there are extra lab times for help - over the weekend. From 10-4 Saturday and Sunday. So much for writing the 50 pages of 2 papers that need to be written before this coming Friday. I cannot wait until its all over. At this point, I'm not sure how I'm going to make it, but I really don't have a choice. I have to make it. :( Wish me luck, time to get back to it...

Holy. Crap. That's all I have to say. Well, not really. I never have THAT little to say. But this week has been rough. Rough is probably, actually, the understatement of the year. And I don't forsee it getting any better until December 18th.

I have so much work. And I've known all along that the end of the semester was going to be rough, crazy, busy, hectic and insane, but I've reached a point where I feel like in order to finish I have to compromise the quality of my work for the quantity of my work. Its terrible. And now , before you judge, I haven't really been procrastinating. I've been trying to work ahead all semester, but I've just had so many individual mountains to scale every week that it was really hard to try and get a head start. So now, I'm sitting here, staring a final project for my Design of Complex Websites class which is due on Friday the 15th - 8 days from now. I feel like I've put in so much time for that class, and I have nothing to show for it. Absolutely nothing. My database isn't working. I still have giant and very very important components missing, and I can't forsee a really great ending ahead. I don't really have the time to put in into maknig it work. I'm not kidding when I say this class requires at least 20 hours a week outside of the 3 hour lecture. When you're taking 4 classes, have an internship for 12 hours a week and work 15, you don't really have the time to put that much time into one class. And the worst of it is, the prof hardly gives a crap at all. He has a GSI, and a teaching assistant who happens to be one of my classmates. Yep, a Master's student is basically carrying the class. The only thing he can't do is distribute grades, but he's been teaching the class, doing the demos and screencasts, runs one of the two labs, and he's met with me personally outside of all of this. I'm definitely going to be doing the bare minimum to get that project done.

I also have a 10-20 page paper due that day. I'm excited to write the paper, but the professor for that class is really really great, but he also expects our work to be very high quality, so it adds a little pressure to the paper-writing experience.

And then there's the 25-35 page paper. That's also demanding of quality, though not so much as the 10 page paper. I guess it doesn't seem all that bad. At least all the presentations are behind me. I had one on Tuesday and one this morning. Having those done takes a load of stress off of me.

I'm so looking forward to having my life back. I want to finish knitting the scarf I started in October, I want to cross-stitch again, and more than that, I want to READ! Read all the fabulous books calling to me from my shelf! I think those are the thoughts that are going to help me get through. The quicker I get done the quicker I can pick that book up and get reading, lol.

Ok, anyway, I should get back to work. Just wanted to update because its been awhile. Cheers!

and smile at this...

yeah, I said Ow. I feel like I ran a marathon in my sleep. No, a triathlon, and then did some mountain climbing to burn off the endorphin overload. I hurt. And my kidney is twitching. Ok, so maybe its not necessarily my kidney, but something in my lower back on the right side is twitching and throbbing. Its doing a little ditty in my back. I don't like it. I want it to stop, does anyone know how to make it stop?

Why am I in so much pain? Because my brain is an asshole. Because of stress. I'm hoping its just stress. I don't know what else could be causing it. I've been rather sedentary these days, trying to deal with the workload. I didn't do anything out of the ordinary in the past few days where I could have pulled something. But I'm certainly aware of the fact that I'm carrying a lot of stress these days. The semester is winding down, and as it winds down, my stress winds up. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, I'm almost there. Almost there. Just a ton of hurdles to mount along the way.

Its not just school stress. I think that's the problem. The school stress is a huge part of it, but its compounded by stress in the rest of my life. I'm trying to dodge it from all angles. Apparently I'm not up to par or as nimble as I used to be, because its catching me all around. Even the poor cat doesn't want to get too close to me - apparently I'm so supercharged with stress that even HER hair stands on end when she gets too close. I told my mom over Thanksgiving that she might be able to play both parts of dueling banjos on my head - I'm that tweaked you can strum my hair.

Ok, I guess its time for me to stop whining.

And check out this website. Do something good :) http://idealbite.com/aboutus/smallthings.php

song of the moment: Raging Serenity by Project C

Its Thursday already? Seriously? Normally I rejoice in weeks going fast, but this is taking things a bit too far. I think someone stole Monday and Tuesday from me. Really. How is it Thursday already? eek! One and a half more weeks of class and TONS of work to do in that time. Oy.

On another note, how is it Thursday and my left arm still hurts? This is ridiculous. I'm not sure if its from the Tetanus or the Hep A, but I can guarantee its not from the flu shot. I remember the last time I got a Tetanus shot (which was like 7 years ago) my arm was sore for a few days, but I really didn't think the soreness would last this long. Its not that it even hurts that badly, its just a nuisance. I'll go to do something and then feel the soreness shoot up to my shoulder and I just groan. The ibuprofen worked brilliantly for about 8 hours. After that, I may as well have been popping sugar pills.

I can't believe how close the end is. I got into the hardcore researching for my huge term paper, and I remembered how good it felt to have all this information in your hands. Its like putty, and I can form it into whatever I want. And what I'm going to form it into is 25 pages of an A+ paper. I haven't really gotten to write a really good research paper since I was an undergrad. All the papers I've written in grad school have been rather dull, on topics that were given to me, not something of my choosing. So I'm really looking forward to this paper. My research is completely out of hand. I have SO MANY resources, which is a good thing. I just keep telling myself that 25 pages really isn't going to be that hard at all. Nope. Especially not will all the research I've done :)

And I have two presentations next week. Isn't that fun? Oh well, I presented to the Provost of the University, presenting to my classmates will be a piece of cake. And since when did 20 minutes in front of a classroom sound so short? Exhilirating, even. I daresay I might actually begin to enjoy presenting. I'd better knock on wood, and fast, because I don't want to jinx myself. hee hee...

My plans for leaving A2 for the holidays have changed. I don't think I'll be leaving as early as I had originally planned. Which isn't entirely a bad thing. I'll have time to relax in my own space, and decompress, before I head for the hills of the bubble. And I'll be able to go Salsa dancing before I leave, with any luck :)

Anywho, I guess I should stop neglecting my work and get back to it. Auf Wiedersehen!

I finally have my schedule for my final semester of grad school ironed out - not only is it my last semester, but I only have class on Monday and Tuesday. JACKPOT! I'll be taking 3 classes (three! What a gloriously small number!!!) - I'll have fulfilled all of my requirements, gotten enough credits, and I'll be able to have a sane life again. I'm so excited for that. Especially since I'm looking at that semester through the fog of what's left of this semester. Actually, I don't think fog really begins to cover it. More like turmoil-insanity-holy-crap-how-did-it-get-to-be-so-crazy-i'm-going-to-lose-my-mind. I'm not even sure that sums it up. But anyway, I will be back to my normal self again next semester and I'll hopefully have a life again. Yay!